Helping a Client Out of a Victim Mindset

Question –  How can I get my client out of a victim mindset and get them to take responsibility for their reality?

Jennifer – One thing that a lot of coaches are afraid to do is to bring this refection or impression to the attention of the client. But be sure to give yourself permission to reflect back what you're noticing with the client. That might sound something like,

“So, I'm noticing that you are placing blame elsewhere. What role do you play in this being your reality?

Or, “How much longer do you want to blame other people or circumstances for your reality or the situation being the way it is?”

Or, “I'm noticing that you're playing a bit of the victim here. What comes up for you when I say that?”

So you’re sharing an observation, as well as a challenging question. It's a bit of a soft landing. Especially if it is a client that you don’t know well. You might want to soften your observation a bit. Try asking, "Can I share something that I'm noticing?" And of course, they’re almost always open to that. And so you say, “I'm noticing that in this particular situation you may be playing a bit of the victim to your brother. How does that land?” You’re offering that piece of important information to the client gently. 

But if you know the client and you're familiar with how they function, then you can freely say "It sounds like you’re playing the victim in this situation.” Because by this stage in your work together the client knows you’re there to challenge them.

So play with it. Bring your personality to it.  Take into account your history with the client, and act accordingly. But you certainly don’t want to ignore it. Your clients need you to highlight potential barriers that they may not be able to identify on their own. The trick is to not be attached to whether your reflection or inquiry lands with the client. You can only offer what you witness and never fight for the client to see something they are bot yet willing or able to see yet.